Yom Kippur – the Jewish Day of Atonement – began at sunset tonight. I’ve been observing the Days of Repentance in my own fashion, though I’m not Jewish, I’ve always been drawn to elements of the faith (and sometimes wonder if I’m descended from Italian Jews, who once made up 40% of the population of Calabria). The Hebrew month of Elul as well as the Islamic month of Ramadan are times of reflection and purification, so I kind of hitched a ride on that train this year.
I’m feeling OK about the place I’ve come to in life (though we all could use a little purification, certainly). But I’ve been extremely worried this year about my oldest and dearest friend who is in crisis. At Rosh Hashanah, I was going to ask for things I wanted in the coming year – vocational, spiritual, and emotional growth – but decided at the last moment to ask for the healing of my friend. A momentary improvement in his state encouraged me to think my prayers had been answered, but the situation soon reversed itself.
It became clear that it wasn’t enough just to ask the Universe to help – I was going to have to step up and commit myself. As a result, I’m going on a trip next week to be with him and take on the awesome responsibility of trying to help him through his crisis. With great humility, somehow combined with foolish overconfidence, I’m going to try and succeed where his family, all his other friends, and a series of professionals have so far not been able to. Another friend from our childhood is also going to join me. It’s certainly going to be something of a turning point in all of our lives.
Like a lot – if not most – people, I’ve been a pretty selfish man at many points in my life. I’m aware that I’m doing this not only out of a genuine desire to help my friend, but also to atone for my past selfishness. There’s an alternate way of seeing the word atone: to be at one with others, with the Universe… to see that we are not, any of us, separate. We are all interdependent – the one that falls is no more dependent than the one who bends down to help.
Anyway… this is a maybe-too-flowery way of saying I’m taking a trip. And the point of the trip is to bring about change for my friend… though more and more it feels like it might bring profound change for me as well.
May it come to pass, אָמֵן
