Some of you with very long memories may recall this thing called a “bailout” that the Bush Administration insisted we had to have way back in September. The deal was presented as an emergency that had to be done as soon as possible, or the markets would collapse, businesses would close, and we’d all be wearing barrels like some old Depression-era cartoon. And so it was rushed through.

no, I don't get it either

Clue 1: The original plan sucked ass

The $700 billion bailout plan became known as TARP (Troubled Asset Relief Program). The goal was to buy up a lot of crappy loans that the financial institutions were holding, with the idea being that it would create confidence that they weren’t about to go under, and so lenders would loosen up credit.

Yeah. Not so much. Actually, that didn’t work at all.

Clue 2: The next plan blew chunks

On Oct. 14, the Treasury set aside $250 billion of the program to buy stock in banks and other financial institutions.

Didn’t work. Nope.

Clue 3: The current plan…? Take a guess

Last week, Treasury floated a new new plan to give $50 billion to credit card companies, as well as institutions that offer student loans and car financing.

Clue 4: More money has already been spent than you probably realize

The Fed refuses to say who received $2 trillion in emergency loans it’s already given out. And it won’t say what it took as collateral for those loans. Bloomberg News filed a lawsuit under the Freedom of Information Act against the Fed after the central bank refused to answer any questions.

2 trillion dollars.

That’s a two. Followed by eleven zeroes.

Dollars.

$2,000,000,000,000.

Gone. Without a trace.

And for some unknown reason, the blood of capitalists and central bankers is not flowing in the street. What a racket these guys have.

Clue 5: We have “receipts” for about $200 billion of the drunken spree:

• AIG: $40 billion (that is, $40,000,000,000)
• JPMorgan: $25 billion
• Citigroup: $25 billion
• Wells Fargo: $25 billion
• Bank of America: $15 billion
• Merrill Lynch: $10 billion
• Goldman Sachs: $10 billion
• Morgan Stanley: $10 billion
• PNC Financial Services: $7.7 billion
• US Bancorp: $6.6 billion
• Bank of New York Mellon: $3 billion
• State Street Corp: $2 billion
• Capital One Financial: $3.55 billion
• Fifth Third Bancorp: $3.45 billion
• Regions Financial: $3.5 billion
• SunTrust Banks: $3.5 billion
• BB&T Corp: $3.1 billion
• KeyCorp: $2.5 billion
• Comerica: $2.25 billion
• Marshall & Ilsley Corp: $1.7 billion
• Northern Trust Corp: $1.5 billion
• Huntington Bancshares: $1.4 billion
• Zions Bancorp: $1.4 billion
• Synovus: $973 million
• First Horizon National: $866 million
• City National Corp: $395 million
• South Financial Group: $347 million
• Valley National Bancorp: $300 million
• Citizens Rep Bancorp: $300 million
• UCBH Holdings Inc: $298 million
• FirstMerit Corp: $248 million
• Umpqua Holdings Corp: $214 million
• Washington Federal: $200 million
• First Niagara Financial: $186 million
• Peoples Bancorp: $39 million
• Encore Bancshares: $34 million
• HF Financial Corp: $25 million
• Bank of Commerce: $17 million
• Broadway Financial Corp: $9 million

Your kids will be paying off this orgy. Your grand-kids will.

And we’ll probably all still be wearing the barrels.