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brouhaha, balderdash, ballyhoo
Feb 23rd, 2010 by Paul Daniel Ash

It’s a bit odd to sit down and write just for myself. Twice a day (sometimes more often if I’ve fallen behind), I research a subject, marshal my facts, dig for a snappy lede and start building the old inverted pyramid. It’s liberating to step outside that rigid structure, but it’s also disconcerting: kind of like walking after you’ve been cycling all day.

I’m continue to wrestle with the idea of becoming a science journalist. I see the need, but the challenges are almost overwhelming. On the climate change issue alone, coverage in the popular media and the blawg-o-sfear has essentially taken on the trappings of religion: one believes what one believes, and people take any argument as a grave insult. Any issue that requires some understanding of the underlying science to discuss meaningfully – 9/11, vaccinations, vegetative states, alternative power, animal testing - have devolved into rigid controversies that seem almost theological. Arguments are by assertion, nothing more. If necessary, people cherry-pick research that they think supports their position, and discard anything that contradicts it.

People on both sides of these debates do that, by the way. I’ve seen blog posters defending the global warming hypothesis with the same sort of blind faith in scientists that my great-grandparents had in the Pope. And just try talking a 9/11 believer out of the proposition that Dick Cheney personally set the thermite charges on the core box columns of WTC 1.

My point is not that I know what the “truth” is about these or any of the other controversies of our time. It’s that everything is just so damn personal. To some extent, I think it does have to do with the fact that American society has always had a strong faith-based element, and that now that religion rings hollow for most educated people, something else needs to take its place. Thus: the culture wars. There is now a liberal and conservative take on pretty much everything: Red science and Blue science, coastal medicine and flyover-country medicine.

I don’t even think that one perspective is “wrong’ and one is “right,” or even that the truth lies somewhere in between: in fact, I think that “let’s split the differences, average it out, and call that the real story” is one of the greatest sins of modern journalism. I think it’s more a case like the old “blind men and the elephant” fable: each perspective sees a bit of it, while missing the bigger picture.

Problem is, I don’t know how to describe the bigger picture, because I’m still yanking on the elephant’s tail myself trying to convince everybody that it’s a rope. It’s important, it’s a question much more interesting than the things I’m paid to write about… but I just don’t quite know how to wrap my head around it yet.

appetite for distraction
Aug 22nd, 2009 by Paul Daniel Ash
  • Step 1. We admitted we were powerless over our addiction – that our lives had become unmanageable

I’m Paul, and I’m addicted to distraction. (Hi Paul.)

I’m subclinically ADHD-1 (predominantly lazy-fuck) and I have probably the worst kind of job for my subtype: periods of intense stress-driven troubleshooting punctuated by periods of downtime. Add to that a big writing project I’m trying to soft-land, and I’ve gotten myself stuck in a nice little chronic avoid-stress-avoid cycle which means shit takes forever to get done. And this bears a real resemblance to the addiction cycle: which has been characterized as:

  1. Pain
  2. Reaching out to an addictive agent to salve our pain
  3. Temporary anæsthesia
  4. Negative consequences
  5. Shame and guilt, which result in more pain or low self-esteem

The link between lazy-fuckitude and addiction is actually starting to be recognized as a physiological one:

It is speculated that every time we shift our attention from, say, responding to an email to answering the phone to editing a story, our brain releases a shot of dopamine, a neurotransmitter involved in seeking rewards and stimulation. This is probably why some refer to their BlackBerries as CrackBerries.

The crash from the distraction rush comes when I realize how much of my short life is being wasted checking the Internet or dicking around with my bike, etc. Obviously, you’ve got to have some downtime, but I can lose a lot of productive time even when I stop fucking off, recovering from a space-out. You don’t get right back to full productivity.

Lately, I’ve been having some success with the “30-minute sprint” technique. Focus on a small, low-priority task for 30 minutes, then give yourself a break. You get something done, but just as importantly: you feel a sense of accomplishment, which is its own satisfaction. Over time (one hopes, anyway), the satisfaction from getting shit done begins to edge out the momentary cheap high of checking my friends’ Facebook updates.

In the end, you have to use whatever works for you. Key to my recovery from being a lazy fuck is in recognizing the habit in every moment it arises and making a different choice. Do it now. Launch word processor, open vein. womp.

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